Well, it seems that we might have been thinking a bit much of ourselves with regards to our speed dating results...
The other day, L called to tell us that she had input her results and that 7 of the 11 men had responded that they wanted to talk more with her. However, as the average age difference is almost 20 years, she has decided that her speed dating days are done for this round. So, taking this amount of respondents as a good sign, I decided to input my results as well, I selected 4 men that I thought it might be interesting to talk further with. The response? One 1 guy responded that he wanted to talk to me further - Adam, the freak chef and self described perfect man (in not to many words).
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
What is so wrong with me that a 44 year old mom that likes living with his mother wouldn't want to talk more with me?!!?!? What is so wrong with me that a guy who works in a meat packing plant doesn't think I'm a catch?!?! I realize that I am making sweeping negative generalizations regarding these men at this point, but I don't care so much at the moment. Its like those celebrities hat say, "Its just an honor to be nominated" No it isn't! They want to win! Who are they trying to kid?!?! Dating is the same way. It would be nice to have them respond, then I can tell them no. I like the upper hand and I'm not too vain to admit that in this case. My sister and sometimes overall life coach, has advised me that it is fine that none of them responded - I didn't want them anyway. This is not how I feel, though.
In the meantime, H has also responded with her answers and has the exact same results as myself. Can this be right? 2 gainfully employed, not unattractive, funny, obviously single women have a success rate of under 10%?!?! How can this be?
Fast forward 3 days... I have now gotten emails from 2 of the guys - John, the Wachovia securities guy and Joe, the nice outdoorsy guy. H has also gotten an email from Wachovia John as well.
I'm not sure about H, as I haven't discussed this with her, but I know, that for myself, I am a bit relieved by the responses. I am somehow validated that I am a good catch. How wrong is my thinking?!?! I am that girl - the one that always says I don't need a man to determine my self-worth, that I don't need a man to make me feel whole. Have I just been lying to myself all this time? Have I been deluding myself that I am this progressive, independent, emotionally mature, and logical woman, when, in reality, I am no different from a 16 year old high school girl?
How did this happen? How have I let myself fall into this self destructive way of thinking? Am I the only one that has fooled myself for so long? I think not, I think that I must be one of millions. Millions of women that buy the relationship advice and self help books, that hit the psychiatrist couches in droves, that date to define themselves? Are we all a bit like that in some way or another? I think so, I think that might be why I tried speed dating to begin with - so that 11 strangers could tell me that I was good enough to date. So that I could tell 11 strangers that I was better than that, than them.
In the end, all I really proved was that I myself need to be better than I am.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Speed dating...the final frontier
Well, we did it...we dated...at top speed
Our finding:
Number of men we met - 11
Median age - 42....not bad in general, but the median age of H, L & myself - 28
Most interesting job - Pete - the meat guy - who works for the Boar's head meat packing company.
Least desirable living situation - Scott, who lives with his mother and sees no reason to change this situation.
Man with the most kids - we lost count quite truthfully - they all had kids except one guy.
Total number of marriages among the men - 14 (only two had never been married)
The men we met...
Scott - Lives with mom, no sense of humor (surprise) and was a slight man with a very weak handshake. We will not be talking to him further...
Rob - 44, in real estate, likes to take road trips, has fun outdoors, likes to golf, has a cat and has potential...we all will be chatting with him further.
Joe - 43, Our little stud - by far the most good looking of the bunch, but also the shortest at 5'6". Funny, smart, likes the outdoors and this was his second round of speed dating. We all agree that it might be interesting to see what else he has to offer, so we will be chatting further with him.
Tom - 45, a.k.a. The Lexus guy - works as the service manager for a Lexus dealer, been there 16 years. Has a 22 year old daughter!! T had beady eyes and bad breath. He is off the list...
John - 43, works at wachovia in their securities dept. He was a close talker...a bit too close if you ask me, he leaned all over the table. However, he had a good sense of humor and was easy to talk to. H and I will be pursuing him further.
Adam - 42, aka - Mr. I think I'm Wonderful - Adam has done so much speed dating that he is very close friends with the coordinators...red flag anyone?...he is a chef, has a boat, has friends that have yachts and hangs out with them every weekend on their boats for floating parties. While Adam seemed to have so much to offer and wasn't shy about telling us what it was...he is not to call us, we won't call him, next...
Pete - 36, the meat guy. Now, I am a camp of one on this. I believe he is just interesting enough to go out with once. H & L think I'm crazy. Peter works at a meat packing plant, likes to ski, has no kids, and was drinking white wine. He has so many contradictions. my curiosity has been peaked. I will have to investigate a bit more on this one...
Tim - 39, never married, a tax attorney originally from Pittsburgh. We are all in agreement that he was a good catch. H & I will be talking to him more.
Mike - 34, works as an excavator and landscaper and has built his own house - 3 times, with 2 different wives, has a son, as well as some ex-step kids. How do I know he built his own house 3 times - he told me, in detail, and included how much over budget (by the dollar) he went on each build. Poor for to discuss $$ in the first 6 minutes!!! Next....
Don - 44, in IT, loves biking..a little too much I think...and has no friends (his admission, not my assumption)...no friends? not 1? That tells me a little something...as did the divorce, the 2 kids he rarely sees...he also had beady eyes that seemed to undress me...and not in a good way...Good luck to him in the future...on America's most wanted....
Overall, we had a fun time, probably more fun at dinner afterwards comparing our notes!! The guys seemed decent enough. The one thing to note - we were supposed to be taking notes on each other and circling a "Let's Talk" or "No Thanks" after each name so we could remember some things about each person. The men, on every sheet I snuck a glance at, had circled "Let's talk" for all the women. This seems a bit on the desperate side to me. I know that we were all there to meet lots of people, but that seems a bit over the top to me. The other women that showed up though seemed to be out on the prowl!! On the other hand, though, the other women that were there - they were dressed to the nines and I believe had every intention of finding Mr. Close Enough. So maybe we were just in it for the wrong reasons. We wanted to have fun and meet some people. They maybe wanted to have a drink and get married by month end...Good luck to them!
In the end. we all agreed that there were a few that we wouldn't mind getting to know a little bit more, so I will keep you all in the loop on how those chats progress....
Our finding:
Number of men we met - 11
Median age - 42....not bad in general, but the median age of H, L & myself - 28
Most interesting job - Pete - the meat guy - who works for the Boar's head meat packing company.
Least desirable living situation - Scott, who lives with his mother and sees no reason to change this situation.
Man with the most kids - we lost count quite truthfully - they all had kids except one guy.
Total number of marriages among the men - 14 (only two had never been married)
The men we met...
Scott - Lives with mom, no sense of humor (surprise) and was a slight man with a very weak handshake. We will not be talking to him further...
Rob - 44, in real estate, likes to take road trips, has fun outdoors, likes to golf, has a cat and has potential...we all will be chatting with him further.
Joe - 43, Our little stud - by far the most good looking of the bunch, but also the shortest at 5'6". Funny, smart, likes the outdoors and this was his second round of speed dating. We all agree that it might be interesting to see what else he has to offer, so we will be chatting further with him.
Tom - 45, a.k.a. The Lexus guy - works as the service manager for a Lexus dealer, been there 16 years. Has a 22 year old daughter!! T had beady eyes and bad breath. He is off the list...
John - 43, works at wachovia in their securities dept. He was a close talker...a bit too close if you ask me, he leaned all over the table. However, he had a good sense of humor and was easy to talk to. H and I will be pursuing him further.
Adam - 42, aka - Mr. I think I'm Wonderful - Adam has done so much speed dating that he is very close friends with the coordinators...red flag anyone?...he is a chef, has a boat, has friends that have yachts and hangs out with them every weekend on their boats for floating parties. While Adam seemed to have so much to offer and wasn't shy about telling us what it was...he is not to call us, we won't call him, next...
Pete - 36, the meat guy. Now, I am a camp of one on this. I believe he is just interesting enough to go out with once. H & L think I'm crazy. Peter works at a meat packing plant, likes to ski, has no kids, and was drinking white wine. He has so many contradictions. my curiosity has been peaked. I will have to investigate a bit more on this one...
Tim - 39, never married, a tax attorney originally from Pittsburgh. We are all in agreement that he was a good catch. H & I will be talking to him more.
Mike - 34, works as an excavator and landscaper and has built his own house - 3 times, with 2 different wives, has a son, as well as some ex-step kids. How do I know he built his own house 3 times - he told me, in detail, and included how much over budget (by the dollar) he went on each build. Poor for to discuss $$ in the first 6 minutes!!! Next....
Don - 44, in IT, loves biking..a little too much I think...and has no friends (his admission, not my assumption)...no friends? not 1? That tells me a little something...as did the divorce, the 2 kids he rarely sees...he also had beady eyes that seemed to undress me...and not in a good way...Good luck to him in the future...on America's most wanted....
Overall, we had a fun time, probably more fun at dinner afterwards comparing our notes!! The guys seemed decent enough. The one thing to note - we were supposed to be taking notes on each other and circling a "Let's Talk" or "No Thanks" after each name so we could remember some things about each person. The men, on every sheet I snuck a glance at, had circled "Let's talk" for all the women. This seems a bit on the desperate side to me. I know that we were all there to meet lots of people, but that seems a bit over the top to me. The other women that showed up though seemed to be out on the prowl!! On the other hand, though, the other women that were there - they were dressed to the nines and I believe had every intention of finding Mr. Close Enough. So maybe we were just in it for the wrong reasons. We wanted to have fun and meet some people. They maybe wanted to have a drink and get married by month end...Good luck to them!
In the end. we all agreed that there were a few that we wouldn't mind getting to know a little bit more, so I will keep you all in the loop on how those chats progress....
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Bachelorettes and Gremlins
Last night L, H & I had a new adventure....Blackfin.
Rumor has it that this is the new "in" place. Which surprised me since everyone seems to know about it, but no one seemed to know where it was.
So, once we found it, plans were made, and off we went, like explorers into this new world of dating in Richmond.
It says something about a place when the most exciting thing going on at 11pm on a Saturday night...is a football game! Yeah, the place is somewhat nice, a little upscale by local standards I would suspect, but not to worry, apparently they don't stick to dress codes as many a pair of flip flops were in attendance.
Drinks in hands and eyes on the roam, we find a cozy little corner that provided a good view of the place and a little eye candy in close proximity. OK, it was slightly old eye candy, expired by 10 years or so, buy eye candy none the less, and a talkative little drunk to boot! Granted, we weren't looking to get his digits...as the kids say these days...but it never hurts to have a guy in yours circle, makes the others of his male brotherhood wonder what we have to offer that he might find interesting.
As the night wore on, our people watching reached new heights. My best guesstimate of the median age is that it would hover slightly below the bra sizes in attendance, which, truth be told, were there to be seem, so that really isn't too much of an insult on my part. Lets just say that Victoria must have left her secrets at home for the evening...
Do men find this attractive? Really? What ever happened to the thrill of the hunt? The air of mystery? The sense of decency? I might be 30, but I am not old and I am certainly not a prude. But come one!! When did putting it all out there on display become the new rule of thumb?
All night we kept seeing the same thing, though, at the bar, at the tables, in the bathroom, and on the dance floor...it seemed where ever we turned, there they were...bachelorettes. As the midnight hour passed, one one thought came to my mind...these chicks are like gremlins...after midnight, they must have been fed and watered and then they multiplied! They appeared in boas and crowns, t-shirts and veils, and many accessories all in the shape of a certain part of the male anatomy in various sizes and colors - some with lights that flashed, too. Are these women that parade around celebrating the end of their proverbial innocence ready to balance the checkbook of a joint checking account? Are they ready to pack away the "Bride to Be, Last chance to kiss me!" t-shirts away and put someone else's happiness above their own? I hope that all prove my wrong...i have a feeling that they might not though...
Anyway, I digress...around 12ish, the DJ kicked it up a notch, the tables were whisked away, and voila! bye bye quasi sports bar...hello dance club!! Now, I love to dance, I love the way the music pulses around you, and when random strangers can dance together if for no other reason than a few shots of liquid courage.
Um....yeah...it wasn't like that at Blackfin though....It was like something out of a junior high dance. The guys all lined up around the outskirts of the dance floor and just watch the women dance. The few brave graceless boys that ventured out did so only at the demands of their significant other...it was their orders and the men folk obeyed. End effect - the three of us felt a little dirty being stared at all night. None the less, that didn't stop us from putting on a little show. I mean really, whats the harm in that? They were doing as they were told, holding purses and stools at the bar. Why not give them a little reward?
Did I forget to mention that there weren't really any single men there? That apparently we missed the section on the website that stated all women must bring their man? Management would prefer they they stand upright, but they must definitely still be kept on their leashes!!
All in all, it was a fun night, good music, great entertainment value for people watchers like ourselves, and a nice little dance workout to burn off the calories from the booze.
Valet - $10.00
Drinks - $50.00
Watching as the drunk brides-to-be doing things that will make them loose a little bit of self respect in the morning...assuming they remember in the morning....priceless.
Rumor has it that this is the new "in" place. Which surprised me since everyone seems to know about it, but no one seemed to know where it was.
So, once we found it, plans were made, and off we went, like explorers into this new world of dating in Richmond.
It says something about a place when the most exciting thing going on at 11pm on a Saturday night...is a football game! Yeah, the place is somewhat nice, a little upscale by local standards I would suspect, but not to worry, apparently they don't stick to dress codes as many a pair of flip flops were in attendance.
Drinks in hands and eyes on the roam, we find a cozy little corner that provided a good view of the place and a little eye candy in close proximity. OK, it was slightly old eye candy, expired by 10 years or so, buy eye candy none the less, and a talkative little drunk to boot! Granted, we weren't looking to get his digits...as the kids say these days...but it never hurts to have a guy in yours circle, makes the others of his male brotherhood wonder what we have to offer that he might find interesting.
As the night wore on, our people watching reached new heights. My best guesstimate of the median age is that it would hover slightly below the bra sizes in attendance, which, truth be told, were there to be seem, so that really isn't too much of an insult on my part. Lets just say that Victoria must have left her secrets at home for the evening...
Do men find this attractive? Really? What ever happened to the thrill of the hunt? The air of mystery? The sense of decency? I might be 30, but I am not old and I am certainly not a prude. But come one!! When did putting it all out there on display become the new rule of thumb?
All night we kept seeing the same thing, though, at the bar, at the tables, in the bathroom, and on the dance floor...it seemed where ever we turned, there they were...bachelorettes. As the midnight hour passed, one one thought came to my mind...these chicks are like gremlins...after midnight, they must have been fed and watered and then they multiplied! They appeared in boas and crowns, t-shirts and veils, and many accessories all in the shape of a certain part of the male anatomy in various sizes and colors - some with lights that flashed, too. Are these women that parade around celebrating the end of their proverbial innocence ready to balance the checkbook of a joint checking account? Are they ready to pack away the "Bride to Be, Last chance to kiss me!" t-shirts away and put someone else's happiness above their own? I hope that all prove my wrong...i have a feeling that they might not though...
Anyway, I digress...around 12ish, the DJ kicked it up a notch, the tables were whisked away, and voila! bye bye quasi sports bar...hello dance club!! Now, I love to dance, I love the way the music pulses around you, and when random strangers can dance together if for no other reason than a few shots of liquid courage.
Um....yeah...it wasn't like that at Blackfin though....It was like something out of a junior high dance. The guys all lined up around the outskirts of the dance floor and just watch the women dance. The few brave graceless boys that ventured out did so only at the demands of their significant other...it was their orders and the men folk obeyed. End effect - the three of us felt a little dirty being stared at all night. None the less, that didn't stop us from putting on a little show. I mean really, whats the harm in that? They were doing as they were told, holding purses and stools at the bar. Why not give them a little reward?
Did I forget to mention that there weren't really any single men there? That apparently we missed the section on the website that stated all women must bring their man? Management would prefer they they stand upright, but they must definitely still be kept on their leashes!!
All in all, it was a fun night, good music, great entertainment value for people watchers like ourselves, and a nice little dance workout to burn off the calories from the booze.
Valet - $10.00
Drinks - $50.00
Watching as the drunk brides-to-be doing things that will make them loose a little bit of self respect in the morning...assuming they remember in the morning....priceless.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Speed Dating...isn't that what we did in Jr High?
Well,
Today L, H & I conquered a new frontier...the speed dating scene...I really do think that this is not so different than all the dating in Jr. High and high school. Back then you ran through the significant and not so significant others so quickly it made your head spin...well, at least it does now...back then it didn't seem that way.
Anyway, we will now give this a whirl. How much damage can we really do to our single egos? Its 6 minutes of my time with 10 strangers...I've had real dates that lasted less time than that!! My only concern is that we hit some scenario out of "The 40 Year Old Virgin". While the label does not refer to any of the three of us, there was a scene in there about speed dating and it was not a pretty picture. The cost is 45$, the seems a bit steep to me, but then, on the other hand, maybe that weeds out the casual daters and the guys who would rather spend 45$ on...well...anything other than dating...tools, sports stuff, beer, whatever. In all actuality, when I walk through that door, if I see a scene before me that makes me thing that a few villages are missing their idiots, then I just get creative and turn all crazy on them and none decide that they think I would be the right queen for their double wide...
Today L, H & I conquered a new frontier...the speed dating scene...I really do think that this is not so different than all the dating in Jr. High and high school. Back then you ran through the significant and not so significant others so quickly it made your head spin...well, at least it does now...back then it didn't seem that way.
Anyway, we will now give this a whirl. How much damage can we really do to our single egos? Its 6 minutes of my time with 10 strangers...I've had real dates that lasted less time than that!! My only concern is that we hit some scenario out of "The 40 Year Old Virgin". While the label does not refer to any of the three of us, there was a scene in there about speed dating and it was not a pretty picture. The cost is 45$, the seems a bit steep to me, but then, on the other hand, maybe that weeds out the casual daters and the guys who would rather spend 45$ on...well...anything other than dating...tools, sports stuff, beer, whatever. In all actuality, when I walk through that door, if I see a scene before me that makes me thing that a few villages are missing their idiots, then I just get creative and turn all crazy on them and none decide that they think I would be the right queen for their double wide...
Monday, September 3, 2007
And So It Begins
Are there single men in Richmond? There must be! Are they all sitting home right now, wondering where the single women are in Richmond?
These are the questions that my friends, L & H and I have been pondering lately. We have finally made it our mission to answer these questions.
We have come to the conclusion that there must be something in the air and water here. Something that makes these Richmonders meet, mate and marry before the tender age of 21. What is it about this town that seems to breed marriage and kids? And at such young ages? I don't get it...not at all.
With that in mind, L and I decided to do a little investigative work and track down this endangered species - the Single Male Richmonder....
But there in lies the problem. After college graduation is done, after the bar scene loses its luster, after Letterman, Leno, and anything after 11ish are distant memories, where do you meet people? The grocery store? 'Hi, I see you have 2 boxes of Cheerios. I like Cheerios, too.' Church? 'Hi, what are your views on the end of times?'
So, while I am not a bar fly...my motto being if you picked me up tonight, who or what did you pick up last night?...L & I decided to go against our better judgement and give it a whirl.
Rumor has it that Richbrau is a trendy singles meeting place...so off we went. We had a nice dinner downstairs and were told by the prettyboy waiter that the bar upstairs starts "hoppin" around 10ish. Apparently "hoppin" means 8 people . We took up on a couple bar stools strategically placed for optimal people watching. 10...8 drinkers drinking...10:30...still no signs of more life...11...making friends with the bartender now...11:15...Oh - is that a new warm body?...11:30...and the rains came....It was like the 11th plague had descended upon us! The heavens opened and down came...college kids. I would say college kids of every shape and size, but that would be completely inaccurate. The girls had apparently all read the same issue of Cosmo or Vogue and were all wearing a slight variation of tight jeans, sleek heels, and camis in an array of colors that God himself could not have imagined would be captured in a rainbow. The guys all had that look about then, the look that says, "I spent an hour getting ready trying to achieve a look that says I don't care how I look." In all honesty, though, it was fun people watching. Seeing these kids interacting was something only second to nature shows on discovery that follow the mating patterns of animals. Then it happened, the turning point, the sign that said we were too old to be here, that we needed to get up, close our tab, and run for the closest exit...they started paying for beer with quarters. I kid you not! Not just one of them either, many of them were digging deep into their pockets for nickles, domes and quarters to keep themselves in Miller Lite. This is our future generation at work. These are our future accountants, politicians, and policy makers...paying for beer with change...God help the national debt.
Anyway, this evening, H, L & I decided that there must be a better way to meet people...single men in particular. Thus our mission was born...and we have decided to accept it.
We will let you know how it goes for us.
These are the questions that my friends, L & H and I have been pondering lately. We have finally made it our mission to answer these questions.
We have come to the conclusion that there must be something in the air and water here. Something that makes these Richmonders meet, mate and marry before the tender age of 21. What is it about this town that seems to breed marriage and kids? And at such young ages? I don't get it...not at all.
With that in mind, L and I decided to do a little investigative work and track down this endangered species - the Single Male Richmonder....
But there in lies the problem. After college graduation is done, after the bar scene loses its luster, after Letterman, Leno, and anything after 11ish are distant memories, where do you meet people? The grocery store? 'Hi, I see you have 2 boxes of Cheerios. I like Cheerios, too.' Church? 'Hi, what are your views on the end of times?'
So, while I am not a bar fly...my motto being if you picked me up tonight, who or what did you pick up last night?...L & I decided to go against our better judgement and give it a whirl.
Rumor has it that Richbrau is a trendy singles meeting place...so off we went. We had a nice dinner downstairs and were told by the prettyboy waiter that the bar upstairs starts "hoppin" around 10ish. Apparently "hoppin" means 8 people . We took up on a couple bar stools strategically placed for optimal people watching. 10...8 drinkers drinking...10:30...still no signs of more life...11...making friends with the bartender now...11:15...Oh - is that a new warm body?...11:30...and the rains came....It was like the 11th plague had descended upon us! The heavens opened and down came...college kids. I would say college kids of every shape and size, but that would be completely inaccurate. The girls had apparently all read the same issue of Cosmo or Vogue and were all wearing a slight variation of tight jeans, sleek heels, and camis in an array of colors that God himself could not have imagined would be captured in a rainbow. The guys all had that look about then, the look that says, "I spent an hour getting ready trying to achieve a look that says I don't care how I look." In all honesty, though, it was fun people watching. Seeing these kids interacting was something only second to nature shows on discovery that follow the mating patterns of animals. Then it happened, the turning point, the sign that said we were too old to be here, that we needed to get up, close our tab, and run for the closest exit...they started paying for beer with quarters. I kid you not! Not just one of them either, many of them were digging deep into their pockets for nickles, domes and quarters to keep themselves in Miller Lite. This is our future generation at work. These are our future accountants, politicians, and policy makers...paying for beer with change...God help the national debt.
Anyway, this evening, H, L & I decided that there must be a better way to meet people...single men in particular. Thus our mission was born...and we have decided to accept it.
We will let you know how it goes for us.
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