I was a bit enlightened the other day by a friend who had some views on my previous post about chivalry, and I now feel the need to let everyone know his thoughts, in an effort to help my cause and help reverse the bad name of chivalry.
His feelings are that chivalry isn't necessarily dead, but more to the fact, it is scared to show itself. He said that he doesn't mind opening doors, etc, but here in lays the rub...we won't let him. In the past, when he has been what I consider to be polite and considerate and opened doors, he gets 'the look.' The look that says, 'Huh? What are you doing? I can open my own door and pay my own bills! How dare you assume I can't!'
Is it possible that a few of the stalinesque feminazis have ruined it for the general female public? Is it possible that in an effort to be uber-independent, a few of the more adamant women have scared men out of being gentleman?
Is it possible that we, the modern women with a touch for tradition, are suffering because of a few bad apples...a few bad independent, proud, socially blind crazy women with a point to prove?
Now I am pissed....
Now I feel that I am not so much looking for just another great single guy, but I have to have brave one, too. I may have to put brave at the top of the list - it might just knock 'must have a sense of humor' into the number 2 slot!! I will have to reprioritize and add, 'A guy that can open a door, get 'the look' and think to himself, 'get over yourself - it's just a door...'' I say he must think this and not say it...that would be rude, and well, maybe harmful since some of those feminazis are buff and will take a poor guy out for a sarcastic comment like that...there is a fine like between brave and suicidal...
So here I am, back to square one with the original question...Why did chivalry die? Was it scared to death or did it just become obsolete?
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Oh so now we're cowards!? Nuts!
The shock of chivalry only scratches the grizley surface, the underlying truth is much more dire. In the psat 10yrs I've developed a saying that is, "A woman needs her scumbag."
That sounds rather harsh, but before you let the arrows fly I'll augment with a series of examples. Also know, I'm not butter or even pessimistic, just hardened. A vast majority of women I've met, dated, or actually found myself in a brief to long term relationship with over the past decade plus have regailed me with the same story. The big mistake, obsession, regret, the hang up, and scumbag.
It takes anywhere from one to three encounters before this unmovable force is revealed in the life of the twenty something woman. The conversation that includes any prospect is often intercepted with, "I just want you to know there's someone else. We've been broken up for a little over a year now. He used to cheat on me all the time, but I'm not exactly over him. He's just got this 19 year old pregnant but I think we might get back together. He doesn't like her much."
Or, "I've been on and off with this guy for four years now, he has a really bad perscription drug problem. I really can't get into anything."
"I'm moving to Florida to get my ex back now that he's out of jail. When we were together he took all my money for coke and was cheating on me with three Cubans at a time."
"This guy used to get a little slap happy, so I broke a bottle over his head and he had me put in jail for six months. We're still really close though."
The stories are all very wild but equally as outlandish that all revolve around the same protagonist. My peers and I discuss this at length often enough that I'm sure it's not some hole I alone have fallen into but rather a sweeping trend. Epidemic even. Crisis.
The twentysomething/thirtysomething single guys I am friends with (including myself) do not have drug problems, have never been to jail, are not slap happy, cheat, liars or theives. Our reponse is either to run away from the epidemic or spend a decade being taken advantage of and ultimately burned by women that are testing the waters with stable mates but unltimately gravitate back to the scumbag, or aliente us with the expecation of drama and heavy baggage.
So lets go back to opening doors and picking up the tab. It's not some Sylvia Platt, bra burning fortitude that causes the dirty looks. I'll flex with a feminist any day of the week. The attempt at chivalry generally pokes at the wound of scorned women that expect a con and a tyrant behind every smile and genuine gesture. And this is not always unwelcomed either.
So what is it women the bad boy fascination? Is this a generation raised on Grease and West Side Story that have NO idea what they're getting into? What's the romanticising abusive, addicted, and adulterous men that ruin the rest of us. These women don't fear the door being opened for them, they're just well versed at having to drag a half dead scumbag through the same doors. They pick up the tab, because their degenerate other half can't.
Chivalry isn't dead, but it's trite to the wounded animal.
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