Dating Rule el Numero Uno....Humility.

Well, it seems that we might have been thinking a bit much of ourselves with regards to our speed dating results...

The other day, L called to tell us that she had input her results and that 7 of the 11 men had responded that they wanted to talk more with her. However, as the average age difference is almost 20 years, she has decided that her speed dating days are done for this round. So, taking this amount of respondents as a good sign, I decided to input my results as well, I selected 4 men that I thought it might be interesting to talk further with. The response? One 1 guy responded that he wanted to talk to me further - Adam, the freak chef and self described perfect man (in not to many words).

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

What is so wrong with me that a 44 year old mom that likes living with his mother wouldn't want to talk more with me?!!?!? What is so wrong with me that a guy who works in a meat packing plant doesn't think I'm a catch?!?! I realize that I am making sweeping negative generalizations regarding these men at this point, but I don't care so much at the moment. Its like those celebrities hat say, "Its just an honor to be nominated" No it isn't! They want to win! Who are they trying to kid?!?! Dating is the same way. It would be nice to have them respond, then I can tell them no. I like the upper hand and I'm not too vain to admit that in this case. My sister and sometimes overall life coach, has advised me that it is fine that none of them responded - I didn't want them anyway. This is not how I feel, though.

In the meantime, H has also responded with her answers and has the exact same results as myself. Can this be right? 2 gainfully employed, not unattractive, funny, obviously single women have a success rate of under 10%?!?! How can this be?

Fast forward 3 days... I have now gotten emails from 2 of the guys - John, the Wachovia securities guy and Joe, the nice outdoorsy guy. H has also gotten an email from Wachovia John as well.

I'm not sure about H, as I haven't discussed this with her, but I know, that for myself, I am a bit relieved by the responses. I am somehow validated that I am a good catch. How wrong is my thinking?!?! I am that girl - the one that always says I don't need a man to determine my self-worth, that I don't need a man to make me feel whole. Have I just been lying to myself all this time? Have I been deluding myself that I am this progressive, independent, emotionally mature, and logical woman, when, in reality, I am no different from a 16 year old high school girl?

How did this happen? How have I let myself fall into this self destructive way of thinking? Am I the only one that has fooled myself for so long? I think not, I think that I must be one of millions. Millions of women that buy the relationship advice and self help books, that hit the psychiatrist couches in droves, that date to define themselves? Are we all a bit like that in some way or another? I think so, I think that might be why I tried speed dating to begin with - so that 11 strangers could tell me that I was good enough to date. So that I could tell 11 strangers that I was better than that, than them.

In the end, all I really proved was that I myself need to be better than I am.