Is 40 the new 30?

Alright, I'll just put it out there, I'm 30...30 and happy, 30 and single, 30 and at the best place I've ever been in my life!!!

I remember being 25 though, and thinking that 30 was old, that 30 and single was ranked right up there with horrific deaths and incurable disease. I remember thinking that dating a guy who was 30 was akin to an Anna Nicole move.

But now I am 30, and 30 is no longer a taboo thing for me. The new taboo is 40....

So here I am - at 30 - out and about trying my best to date. And the only problem? The only single guys I seem to come across are 40+. Now, I'm not saying anything is wrong with 40+, I'm sure in 10 years, I will love 40+. Right now though, it just doesn't fly...

The gap between 30 and 40 is pretty significant. Its the 'closer to retirement than not' stage, its the 'setting down and knees cracking' stage, its the 'lets stay in tonight because I want to watch the Headliners and Legends on MSNBC not PrimeTime on NBC, which is at 10, so I can't stay up that late' phase. At 30, you can still make a few mistakes and have time to fix them, you can take a few risks and have time to sink or swim and handle either outcome. 30 still has a few big lessons to learn and a few great experiences to live. 40 is settled and has less room for risk and error. I'll appreciate these differences later - when I'm 40, I might even be ticked at myself for thinking these things 10 years from now. But I do think them now, and I want someone that wants to have the great experiences and take a few risks. I'm not ready to be with someone that tells me not to do these things because they know better from personal experience.

I realize that this sounds like the same rantings a teenager might have to their parents, but it holds true none the less, and maybe illustrates the point all the more. I'm still young and I like it that way.

The solutions sounds easy then, right? Date someone my own age that has these same wants as well....if only it was that simple!!!

How is it that I seem to be stuck in this time warp with a 10 year age difference between me and single male population of Richmond? Do these guys hit 30 and then sign away their freedom to hide in a hole for 10 years only to come out and hit the dating scene at 40 and expect every sweet (for the most part) young thing to look their way? Wow - that somehow sounded like something my grandmother would say...I will have to ponder that little Pandora's box later.

What's the deal? I've tried it, tried to be the younger woman on some middle aged man's old arm. Sometimes its OK, sometimes not so much. Granted, the older - we'll call them mature - men get the hint. They open the doors, they pull out chairs, they know how to order for you without making it seem like they are. This art of chivalry is becoming extinct (this I might need to ponder more on as well). For that reason alone I like the idea of the age gap. Granted, for some the only reason they have manners is because they still live with their mother and these mothers are sticklers for good manners. These are the ones to stay away from...far far away from...

In any case, though - WHERE THE HELL ARE THE 30 YEAR OLD MEN? If they are 30 and living in Richmond, VA, they fit into one of the following categories:

A. Married and blissfully happy. These are the guys that are all around the office, at the grocery store, at the cleaners. They give you a nod and a small smile and make some small instinctual movement that allows their wedding ring to catch the light - not in order to say, 'back off!!' but to intone that the ring is there for a reason and I like it that way.

B. Married and miserable. These are the guys that are at the bars, bookstores, and malls. They are on the prowl for someone, anyone, that will make them forget, if only for a few minutes, that they are a few minutes from heading home to a wife and a life that they didn't bargain for and don't want anymore, but are so maxed out on their credit cards from trying to purchase a happy life, that they can not afford the divorce attorney.

C. Divorced with baggage. We're not talking a little heartbreak baggage either, here. We are talking - soul custody of the kids, wife walked out on them all (probably for a guy mentioned in B above), living in a house they can't unload or afford anymore, and feel that its every woman's fault in some way or another.

D. oh, wait....there is no other option, if they were single and decent at 30, they are in that hole somewhere until they hit 40...

So here I am, at 30, dating in a limited pool. My 2 options - a baggage ridden, house poor, misogynistic guy who is out dating only to show the ex that he will be the first to rebound, or Mr. 40.

What is a girl at 30 to do?!?!